Hey everyone, I have a few questions for all of you out there that have more than one kid. Incase you don’t know, my wife Kim and I, are expecting our second baby in a few weeks so we’re looking to get some of the our questions answered by people who have been there before. So naturally I go to the place where I can reach the most people in the shortest amount of time; my blog. So here are my questions.
- Does life change dramatically when the second one comes?
- How do you position car seats? One in the middle and one on the side or both on the sides?
- In your experience, is the second labor easier than the first?
- How did your first react to the second?
- What was the age difference between your two? (ours is 14 months)
- Anyone wanna babysit?
Please, I’m begging you, give us some answers. PLEASE!!! We really would like to hear from a bunch of you if you’re able to. Guys, ask your wives. Wives, ask your husbands. Then share with us. TEACH ME!!!
#1. I wouldn’t say life changed ‘dramatically’, but it did definitely change. You’ll have two nap schedules to work around and try to synchronize. This is hard in the very beginning, but as the new baby figures out a schedule, things get easier. There will be challenges to keep #1 from feeling replaced by #2. Depending on how you handle this issue will determine whether #1 gets jealous or not. We did most of our major switches like moving the first to a toddler bed about two months before handing everything down to the second. I think that helped. We also spent a lot of time before the second was born introducing the first to the idea of a new baby. I’d grab every chance that came along to let our first hold a baby. She knew there was ‘a baby in Mommy’s tummy’, but really understanding that concept was strange. She couldn’t SEE anything. Make sure to spend one-on-one time with the first after the second is born. #2 gets special time when being nursed or changed or rocked, so make time to do things with the first like read a book, or cuddle, or color. My husband would take our first with him when he’d run out to the grocery store for a forgotten item or two. It was special ‘Daddy time’ for her and she loved it. She still loves to go ’shopping with Daddy’. You can also try to involve #1 with the tasks that #2 requires. They can bring you a diaper, or hold the diaper cream, or burp cloth. It makes them feel like they’re not being left out. I’m sure you’ll find your own little ways to adapt to your new little one, so don’t be afraid to experiment!
#2. Carseats. This was not my favorite adjustment at all. The middle seat is the safest, so all of a sudden you have to put one of your precious little ones in a less safe place. It’s a scary change. The type of vehicle you have will play a part in where the carseats go as well, but what we ended up doing was putting the new baby in the center and the older one on one side. Some carseats are so wide and cars so narrow that you can’t put them beside each other and have to put one on each side, but that wouldn’t be my first choice. As to which side the older child went on, I thought it would be safer if she was on the passenger side. This meant it was a little more difficult for me to reach back to give her a pacifier, or sippy cup etc. if I wasn’t driving, but it just seemed safer to have her as far away from oncoming traffic as possible. If we had a van with bench seats when #2 came along I would have tried to put both kids in a center seat if it was possible.
#3. Labor. If you go from the first contraction to when the baby is born, both of my labors were about the same in length, but they were definitely different. For the first one I was in active labor for forever, but when it came time for transition, the baby was born pretty quickly- 27 min of pushing (which seemed like forever in spite of the nurses telling me that was fast for a first baby!)The second labor was basically on and off until transition. My contractions were all over the place. Either close together or far apart right up to when I almost needed to push. I pushed for about 10 or 15 min on baby #2, and that included the time they had me stop pushing so they could suction the baby’s lungs before he was completely delivered (that had to be the hardest thing in the world- stopping in the middle of delivery!) I would say that the second labor is much easier than the first for a number of reasons. 1. usually, the labor is shorter. 2. You know what to expect mostly since you’ve done it before. 3. In my case there was no tearing the second time around probably due to already giving birth before.
#4. No.1’s reaction. We had been talking about the ‘new baby’ for weeks, so our first was excited, but not really sure about what. We left the first with my husband’s parents while we delivered the second, and when they brought her to the hospital, I think it helped that I wasn’t holding the new baby when she walked in the room. He was sleeping in the bassinet beside me. That made it easier to greet the first and spend a few minutes with her (she had been away from Daddy and Mommy for almost two days starting in the middle of the night). Then I told her about the baby that was in Mommy’s tummy. That it came out and she could see it now. She had a baby brother. It was HER baby brother and she could even hold him! Her reaction was so precious. She was excited, but ever so uncertain. She held her brother with an expression of wonder and almost confusion. I think the hardest for her to grasp was that this baby was coming home with us. He was going to stay at our house. She just didn’t seem to understand how that was possible. All the other babies she had held never got to come home with us, but she wasn’t opposed to the idea. I have pictures of her holding her brother for the first time, and they’re some of my most favorite pictures that we’ve ever taken of her!
#5. Age difference. Our first and second were 17 months to the day. We’re expecting our third now, and the second and third are going to be just barely 14 months apart. I know it will be different from the first two, mainly because our son will be three months younger than our daughter was when next one was born. But as to what extent… I have no idea. Maybe it will be easier because the first will be a month over 2.5 and will be able to understand so much more. Our kids are pretty close, so if the first is thrilled with the third, maybe it will help the second to adjust. We’re just over 20wks now, and we told people last week including our very talkative 2 yr old. She’s already thrilled and seems to understand the idea so much more than last time.
I hope I didn’t ramble too much, and I wish the best for you and your growing family. Each little one is such a blessing, and no matter how close they are (people tell us we’re crazy) I wouldn’t trade them for less exhaustion or work or anything else! They’re truly gifts from the Most Gracious Giver!
think of it this way 1 1 = 2 to the power of a 100, but the good news is 1 1 1 = 3 to the power of 37.
randy
Hey Victor,
Guess What? Erick and I will be joining the blogging world soon. We’re creating a site today. =) We’re trying to think of a creative name to keep us entertained…and you all.
Just a little advise for your second baby on the way. Wait longer than 7 months before you get pregnant with the 3rd. 2nd isn’t too hard until the 3rd comes and then it’s overwhelming. We adore our children, but we spent several years without sleep and sleep depervation isn’t too compatible with normal living.
BTW we have 3 babysitters if you’re still looking.
Beth
We have two boys who are 18 months apart.
Life did not change drastically for us with the second. It did change some. When they are both young and in diapers, it’s a bit like having twins. But that quickly changes. We’ve always tried for a holistic approach to parenting. The family has to make some adjustments for a new member, the new member has to make some adjustments for being in the family. You can’t let everything in the house revolve around the baby. But you do have to make some adjustments. Involve the older child. Let them help (even though that can take longer). Make sure everyone in the family feels loved and important.
Labor was not significantly different for my wife between the two.
We did the child seat on both sides. I see claims the middle seat is safer. I can find no scientific evidence that is true. We put them on the sides because the car seats fit better that way in the car we had at the time.
Good luck. Use some common sense and you’ll be just fine.
My experience with two girls (16 months
apart):
1. Life did not change to much…God just gave me (as a dad) more love to spread around.
2. We put one on either side…that way the oldest won’t try to feed the youngest at the most critical time (sitting in traffic).
3. The second labor went very fast…we arrived and two hours later baby # 2 showed up. My wife agrees that the second labor was easier…she was very focused and knew what to expect.
4. Our oldest loves her sister…weeks before the birth we bought a doll and told her that was her baby. There were times when she would drag her around…but the point is that she learned to be careful with the doll (eventually).
5. 16 months
In closing I am excited for you guys…this will be a wonderful experience.
ours are 15 months apart. both boys. life didn’t change dramatically. since they were so close, we hadn’t gotten used to life with kids older.
our car seats are positioned on both sides with the center seat open.
first hearing she was pregnant - WHAT?! (we had just moved to our church in Kansas City, and she had just come back from a mission trip)
first seeing him after birth - “I’ve got my middle-infielders now!” … or … “I’ve got my bass and drums now!”
labor for the first - 5 “pushes” and out. she was actually joking with one of the nurses, and the doctor said, “hey keep doing that, here he comes.”
labor for the second - doctor said, “we’re going to do this in one shot.” ended up 2 “pushes” and out.
epiderals are great!
pay for us to get from St. Louis to Cali and back, and we’ll babysit whenever.
Wow, I’m loving all the feedback on these questions. Thanks all of you for taking the time to answer those questions. I love it. If you haven’t gotten a chance to share yet, please feel free to do so cause I would love to hear from you too.
You all rock! Thanks.
Dude. If you want to get me talking… ask about my kids… we have two. Our daughter is 9, and our son Chase is 5.
In response to your questions…
–Does life change dramatically when the second one comes?
Well… I don’t think it was nearly as dramatic as the changes we felt when we had the first one. I was only 20 when we got married, and Ashley was born 11 months later (I was still 20!), so life was pretty upside-down at that point.
–How do you position car seats? One in the middle and one on the side or both on the sides?
We went both on the sides.
–In your experience, is the second labor easier than the first?
For me? Sure. For my wife? Probably not…
–How did your first react to the second?
She was cool with it. We unfortunately went thru two miscarriages between our kids, so our daughter had gotten her hopes up for a little brother or sister a couple times, only to be disappointed. So I think she was stoked.
–What was the age difference between your two? (ours is 14 months)
Four years.
–Anyone wanna babysit?
Anytime you are in Columbus, OH, we’d be glad to.
1. yes, especially when your husband goes back to work. just like the first on it takes some time to adjust to two.
2. we put them in the two out side seats.
3. the second labor was the same, the pushing part definatley goes faster.
4. our first was almost three when the second was born so he was so excited to have a baby brother. he adjusted to it very well. i think it was harder on me than it was on him. because someone else was now taking some of my attention i felt like i was neglecting him. i was so used to giving him my undivided attention it was hard for me to split it up.
5. there is three years between our first two and two years between the last two.
6. you can bring them over anytime. we would love to babysit.
Howdy. I’m a reader who comes to read about worship guitar, never before commented, but I thought I’d have to add something to the discussion. You’ve only heard from two-child families so far. We have 5.
* Does life change dramatically when the second one comes?
Not particularly. Especially when they are so close together, you are doing a lot of the same stuff with both. You’re used to planning for it, and you’re used to the concept that it’s not all about you anymore. The biggest change in our opinion is from two to three. Suddenly you have to change from one-on-one to zone defense.
* How do you position car seats? One in the middle and one on the side or both on the sides?
Both on the sides makes it easier to buckle the seats in if you ever have to remove them and the kids can see out better. Both to the passenger side (one on the passenger side one in the middle) makes it easier to see them both when you are the driver. Together makes it easy for the older one to either poke the baby or help the baby, whichever he’s inclined to do. Take your pick.
Get your car seat early and go buckle it in. We’ve had to try two or three types to get one that fit properly in our vehicle. When we changed vehicles, we had to get new seats because the old ones fit sloppily. There are a few sites on the net with matrixes of car seats and makes and how they fit.
The car seat where the “baby bucket” snaps out of the base that stays in the car is, in our opinion, a God-send.
* In your experience, is the second labor easier than the first?
Yes, but not necessarily because it’s actually easier, but because you have an idea what it’s all about. There’s less fear about the process and you can concentrate on what you’re doing. Staff also tends to listen to you a bit more.
* How did your first react to the second?
Ours have always loved their siblings, but we’ve always been really really careful to keep the older ones involved and happy and not losing out on anything because of the newcomer. Helping with the new baby is fine, but doing stuff that isn’t about the new baby is important too.
* What was the age difference between your two? (ours is 14 months)
2 years exactly, 17 months, 25 months, 3 years. You’ve chosen a great seperation. They’ll be very close. Ours are all best of friends. The only danger is that because they are so close you treat them as a unit, or allow the younger priveleges at the same time as the older, or keep the older from things to stop hurt feelings in the younger (watch out for resentment from any of those).
* Anyone wanna babysit?
Wanna pay airfare?
I hope things go well and I look forward to announcement of the wonderful news.
I remember someone telling me to take a birthday candle to the hospital, so the older child can sing “happy birthday” and blow out the candle for the baby. (Mom will have a dessert on her hospital food tray that will serve as a cake). We did it too. Good video moment.
Also, take a photo of big brother, like a 2 x 3 size, and tape it to the side of the “baby basket” for her to see her big brother(as she lays sideways). Brother will feel important.
Also, remember the “Big Brother” t-shirt or button…you can make ‘em yourself now. And the big brother present…