It’s fun to be around musicians sometimes cause we always know just how to stir each other up just a little bit. Today was musician joke day… the guitar players against the drummer, the drummer against the bass player and the bass player against the guitarists. This one was my favorite… You gotta click in to find out the answer though just because I can.
What’s the difference between a guitar player and a park bench?
A park bench can support a family of four.
You got any more good musician jokes?
A kid walks up to his dad and says, “Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a musician.” His dad looks at him and says, “Son, you can’t have it both ways.”
What’s the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?
A mutual fund will mature and earn money.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you throw an accordion into a dumpster and it doesn’t hit the sides.
Why does a drummer leave his sticks on the dashboard of his car?
So he can park in the handicapped space.
What’s the difference between a dead squirrel in the middle of the road and a dead trombone player in the middle of the road?
The squirrel was on his way to a gig.
What’s the difference between a female lead singer and a rottweiler?
Jewelry.
How do you get a guitar player to slow down?
Put music in front of him.
How do you get a bass player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
How do you know if the drum riser is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of his mouth.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines that do that now.
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change it, and the other four to talk about how much better they could have done it.
There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other one didn’t have any money either.
How many guitarists does it take to cover a Led Zeppelin tune?
Apparently, all of them.
How many lead vocalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He holds it and the world revolves around him.
I got a million of ‘em….
…and the original…
What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians???
A Drummer!
Q: How can you tell when a drummer is at the door?
A: The knock speeds up.
-edited- sorry jb, no making fun of people
What do you do when someone can’t play an instrument?
Make them a drummer, and what do you do if the person cannot play the drums?
You take away a stick and make them a conductor.
What is the difference between a saxaphone and a lawnmore?
Vibrato
What is the difference between a Violin player and a Viola player?
The Viola player’s heads are the right size.
What’s the difference between a drummer and a kaleidoscope?
One produces a series of random patterns and the other one is a children’s toy.
I had forgotten about the kaleidoscope joke. That’s a great one.
These are great! I love it. Thanks you guys… keep ‘em coming.
Paul, I heard one of your jokes a different way…
What’s the difference between a dead squirrel in the middle of the road and a dead trombone player in the middle of the road?
There are skid marks in front of the squirrel.
How can you tell when a backup vocalist is at the door?
They’ve got the wrong key and they can’t figure out where to come in.
Oh goodness these are great!
I heard Jeff’s a while back and it made me laugh out loud all over again! Please keep this up.
I’m awful at jokes!
What was the last thing the drummer said before they kicked him out of the band?
Hayy guys i wrote a new song!
how do you know a singer is at yer door?
comes in late, and doesn't know what key to use…